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Showing posts from February, 2008

Deicide songs used to torture prisoners in Iraq?

Deicide posted this link to a torture playlist in a bulletin from their myspace page. I'm not sure how accurate it is, because the article offers no sources. So much for journalism ethics and standards.

The post claims their music is among that used by the American army to torture detainees. Some torture techniques applied to detainees in Iraq include:

sleep deprivation
prolonged capture shock
disorientation
interrogation

They could just put the poor detainees in a church. Then again, bible study is known to induce sleep. That defeats the sleep deprivation objective.

Rage Against the Machine's “Bulls on Parade” is allegedly used. Listening to Rage Against the Machine is enough to give me prolonged capture shock. Is it true that Chris Rock sings for them? Their music might convince Iraqis that they have valid reasons to fear an integrated secular society.

Deicide's track “Fuck your God” is listed in a bitter twist of irony. In this case, the sentiments of the Muslim detainees and …

Watch My Monster Cock

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It Is True - I Have a Monster Cock
My monster cock is from a planet of giant cocks. This gigantic cock obtained illicit entry into South Africa through a backdoor.

I raised my monster cock, hiding him from the authorities, until my monster cock became too big to contain in my humble abode. A famous producer saw my monster cock. From that day on, my monster cock starred in his own movies.

You can imagine what kind of movies my monster cock likes making. Yes, you guessed it - creature features!


Cockzilla, a movie starring my monster cock. It lost a 'c' during translation.


My monster cock unleashed nearly as much damage as Godzilla unleashed.


A monster cock facial. Even in Hollywood, they keep spelling his name wrong.

My monster cock likes facials. He says monster cock facials highlight his eyes.

Teaching My Monster Cock New Tricks
My monster cock is not only big, hard and useful for lifting heavy metal objects. I managed to train my cock to read and write. This means that my monster co…

Iron Maiden Live After Death DVD Review

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What does a hot milf have to do with Iron Maiden? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I put in random hot milfs and text with hot hot porn saki saki hot sex midget sex alien lesbian tentacle sex milf sex milf hunt on my site to get hits.

Conclusion
No broken home should be without one.

Iron Maiden “Live After Death” DVD
The legendary “Live After Death” concert from 1984. It has the sickest cover in metal history. Looking at it is like someone casting my hand in the metal hand sign.



It was previously released on VHS. Surviving video cassette copies are as scarce as decent Metallica albums after Cliff Burton died. The Irons have never done it small, with the notable exception of a few tasteful Asian groupies perhaps.

If you ever woke up after a really rough night only to discover the foul stench of camel dung and the mesmerising panorama of the sun rising over the sphinx, you might experience a sense of deja-voodoo when you witness the stage décor.

You might also consider cutting down a little on the…

Internet Dating of the Undead

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Zombie Elaine
Hmmmmm brains.

Before


After


Her Narratives
Why should you get to know Zombie Elaine?
Like brains. Like brains lot.

She describes her ideal match thus:
Man with brains. Lot of brains!

Maybe this is not quite what Internet Dating Tips had in mind for their dating site photo editing competition. Next time I'd read the specs.

Review of Firefrost Arcanum by Vesania

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Conclusion
A blackened-death metal bandwagon band that does a great job. Something of a Vader side-project with corpse paint, windmill head-banging and minor Roland keyboard abuse. It shall not make you guilty of metal hand sign abuse, nay nay.


'Marduke's Mazemerising', performed live.

Review
According to Wikipedia, this Polish super group shares the awkward blackened-death metal genre with Vital Remains. Genres mean very little to me, so I'll take Wikipedia's word for it.
Vesania has also been compared with Dimmu Borgir. Everyone from Nightwish to Opeth have been compared to Dimmu Borgir, so this comparison doesn't really mean much. If you like the live video of the band, chances are you would like this album. There are no big surprises, with the overall feel of the album being similar to Marduke's Mazemerising.
To me, Vesania comes across as a barbaric Emperor. Emperor has orchestrations integral to their big sound. Vesania has more primal riffs with keyboard p…

The First Hannibal Lecter Movie: Manhunter (1986) Review

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Conclusion
A superb story where virtually no character development takes place. The characters refuse to budge, which adds to the tension. Well-crafted horror, if dated by the bee-hive hairstyles and the nylon shorts.

Plot
Retired profiler Will Graham is lured out of retirement from his deserted island paradise. It would take more than an appeal to my humanity to lure me from my paradise island. In fact, it would take more than two Valhalla-sized halls, one filled with classic guitars and the other filled with Valkyrie-like floozies, heaving bosoms and all. Appealing to my humanity is not very effective.

The profiler is hired to unravel the mystery of the tooth fairy. Named after his elaborate yet ineffective mating habits involving a full moon, shards of glass and bite marks, the tooth fairy is shy. So shy in fact that nobody can find him. The only known variable is the time the fairy is expected to strike – the next full moon. Graham should send Jehovah Witnesses after the fairy. They h…

Dagon (2001) Review

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Conclusion
A noble effort by Miskatonic University graduates. It features buckets of blood and everybody's favourite Cephalopoda: Cthulhu! The Great Old One even gets a sacrifice or two.

This film is clearly low budget, but whether that is a weakness or a strength depends on your perception. I feel necessity breeds invention. And sometimes a race of Merpeople.

Plot
Barbara and Paul are enjoying a cruise when their ship suddenly becomes shipwrecked. That's what you get for letting an IT professional navigate without google earth. They seek help in a nearby Spanish harbour. At first, the inhabitants seem friendly, but the tide soon turns.

The inhabitants are a tad more than eccentric. In fact, they are just plain creepy:
they have no electricity. No, this is not a South African port, but a fictional Spanish town called Imboca
there is a strange symbol everywhere
there are virtually no opposable thumbs in Imboca
no really, I am not kidding. There are virtually no opposable thumbs in Imbo…